Less than a month till I go home; one paper down, four to go. (this is for you chesky)

It was so hard today to switch from a completely math mode which I've been in the past too many days, to a chem mode. All of a sudden I have to change from numbers mode to periodic table of elements mode. Chem is on tuesday, and a day before that, i have to snap very quickly into english-y mode and even more quickly snap out of it. = ( exams are ugly things.

On friday there was a math paper mixup and we ended up not getting Qn 1-3 for the first 20 mins, and we had to work on Qn 7-10 first. It totally messed me up because I had planned very strategically to work back and forth from Qns 1, 10, 2, then 9 and so on, but of course, my plan was nicely flicked out of the window, and I was left without a backup battle plan for my 3h math paper but thank god I made it, with some time to spare. The trick is little or no sugar on the day of exams, and lots of protein to sustain you.

I'm pretty excited to go back to Singapore, but at the same time I'm feeling the same anxiety I felt when I was going to go back in June, but I think this time my anxiety is warranted. They say being in a cold country boosts your body's metabolism, and you lose weight more easily. Load of crap that is! : ( Nothing good comes out of being in a cold country, even your skin dries up all gross when you sit in front of the heater too long. Maybe you don't sweat, but gross man, I think my ducts are all blocked. hahaa cue: chessy gag. Over here the weather is cold, and everyone bundles up, and nobody CARES if you're fat or tubby. You fit in alright, but in Singapore, everyone is all pixie-like and skinny and i cannot take it. I have put on weight and i know it, and i'm scared to go back because even if people don't voice everything out, inside their screaming oh my gawd she is so fat now. gross mannn i don't want to be like her. I hate living in a weight-obsessed world, everywhere I go someone is worried about his/her weight and after a while their concerns and anxieties rub off onto you. Come to think of it, my home is like this place where people compare weights and body sizes and shit it's disgusting. I hate it too when people deny that they don't eat enough and prance around gloating about their weight knowing that you're at least a billion kilos heavier. I'm damn jealous. I never used to be this concerned about my weight, but after being surrounded by weight-obsessed people, the plague has finally reached me, and every time i look into the mirror I see this wide-faced person with unnecessary flab on her limbs. Too bad I love my food too much.

I don't want to go back to Singapore to face the scrutiny of criticising eyes, materialism, bitchiness, and the (i never thought I would say this, but yes) food.


I miss being excited to see someone special come online I get to chat with. Strangely, it's been a long time.