oh the woes of a 16 year old.

i just got my UMAT results which are highly unsatisfactory, and i think i'm going to try and prepare more for it and give it another go next year. afterall i do have one more year to go before i need it. however, the umat really tests on things you really can't do much about. Im completely hopeless at shapes and patterns and i FLUNKED it so badly. so i guess it's like math, practise till you can see a formula instantly when you can see the question, maybe that will work. i have to make sure that when i do it the second time, i do better than my first or else i'm dead. it seems they take the most recent score so if by some unfortunate chance i'm really sick and gross when i have to do my UMAT, i might as well come back to sg and train to be a dishwasher.

i came online and had a look at courses here at Otago and i think practically speaking, it is better for me to be a dentist. I think my interest lies in medicine, and i'm sure the profession is extremely rewarding, but the problem is that every medgrad these days insists on specialising, even something as retarded(from an uneducated viewpoint) as family medicine, which means that if you don't specialise, how promising will your future look? sure, I could go to a developing country and work and definitely be appreciated, but this is where my other dilemma lies - i want to be successful, married and with kids at a decent age. but then again, this is superficial me speaking, and who knows what god has planned for me. maybe i am meant to be a spinster with lots of little foster kids and no husbands, but nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo, as far as my perfect fairytale goes, I want to be successful with a not-too-demanding career, have a husband and kids when im about 26 or 27. is that even possible nowadays?

i'm terrified that 15 years down the road, lonely and in my knitted cardigan, i re-read this blog (as it will surely still exist should i be in that pathetic state), and grimace at how spastically naiive i was then (which is now). caught up pursuing my dreams, money and a career, and shunning other important things, i end up successful but completely alone. no i don't want that.

if i take on dentistry, and i pass it, i will be able to have a stable 9-5 job, and hopefully a family to go back to at nights. if i take on medicine, and stay sane to graduate, i will have a demanding call schedule and more work to specialise, how then am i able to have a family(if i find a guy)??

oh dear, i'm only 16 and i have so much to consider already. i second chessy's 'why why why must we have to make such big decisions when we're only 16' moans. this is hard, and i don't want to make a decision i might regret the rest of my life!

on another note, i came online and i saw summer school schedules, and may i dare say that i am tempted to take on some classes! if i do, that means i will come back in jan and study for 6 weeks and then start my first year of uni. will i burn out though? but there are so many nice-looking classes like introduction to latin (3 semesters and i would have 'covered the whole latin grammar') and conversational maori and first year economics and all sort of other things!!! however, that means much less time in singapore with family and friends. i dont knowwwwww, but maybe not 2006, maybe i will gun for 2007 summer school if i am not already worn out and tattered by attempt at getting into dent in my first year of health sci

=( =( =( i think i've rambled enough. good job if you read this entire entry