longing but not really wanting

Sometimes when I get really absolutely brain-numbingly bored, I go onto friendster and stalk.

No matter how happy I am with my current life, after seeing pictures of friends and where they are at now, I always find myself with a sense of longing and nostalgia for what-was, although I might not necessarily want it in my current situation. I can't quite explain this funny feeling I get, but maybe it is a feeling of having left Singapore and so much that was important to me to set up shop in NZ. Life is so different for me now, I left my friends to come here, and obviously my friends have moved on. I feel so torn wanting to be with my friends and going wild, dizzy with teenage freedom, but at the same time happy to live my carefree existence with a set routine about my day that makes everything feel so normal. Sometimes I wonder whether I've seriously missed out big time coming here, or whether I'm heaps better off. It's just one of those days!

One week break and then it's the final stretch towards the finals for the year. Time this year has passed exceedingly quickly and I can barely stop to catch my breath. This year is the deciding year as to whether I score well enough to make it into Med-2 or another degree, yet I don't feel any stress, just peace at the thought that whatever the outcome, I will still feel happy and accomplished.

I have been scheming in my head different plans for my year next year and also my life in general. How many degrees do I want to study for? How soon do I want to marry? Where do I want to be in 10 years time? This is all so exciting yet I do feel lost in my head sometimes!

Francesca Oh, I hope you have a great time in UK. I will care for your special friend here, hahaha, don't you worry. Special like eeyore-special! HAHAHHAAA, I don't even think you will understand what I mean.

I miss so much, yet I don't miss anything at all.