i babysat two little girls (2half and 15mths) this afternoon and it was quite traumatic cos stupidly we went to the playground and i managed to lock us out. so we had to sit on the doorstep till the parents came back and i had two girls in my lap and i sang.......for an hour. i was so scared they were too cold(thank god i bundled them up well) or they got bored/scared/uneasy and started crying for mummy or daddy. so i sang and sang and sang(definitely out of tune as i got increasingly despondent) and now i dont ever want to feel like a homeless mother again. i feel horrible that the kids got locked out cos of me. plus it was freezing with the wind and i dont think they knew what was going on except that they were sitting on their doorstep but not going in.

on a brighter note, their mother is deaf and pretty much mute and because she has to take care of her kids and because of her handicap she can't go out on her own. so today was the first time in a rlly long time she's been out, having not been out alone with her husband and without the kids for an even longer time. i think seeing the delight on her face and relaxed smile after coming home was sort of worth it. but i just hope the kids aren't traumatised or likely to fall ill. and when i babysit them next week again, i hope they dont remember me and let me start from scratch again. hahaa. =///////

i'm exhausted and my arm is absolutely aching from carrying the baby. nighttttt